Dave's Amusing Adventure Dreams
I have a strange subconscious... here is a retelling of the strange dream I had last night:



David found himself in front of a giant weed; in many ways it reminded him of a dandelion weed let go for too long. It stood eight feet above the ground, and had strange orange and purple, eggplant-like fruits hanging from tendrils. The top of the plant was dominated by a venus-flytrap-like flower. As David watched, a small bird, attracted by the small, red berry-like nodules inside the flower-petals landed, and pecked at one experimentally. The red nodule burst, covering the bird in a cloud of spores; the hapless avian fell to the ground with a thud like someone dropping a baked potato from a second story window onto a sidewalk.

Immediately small tendrils sprouted from the bird, who seemed alive but paralyzed. The tendrils sought the ground immediately, heading for the mother plant's root structure like dolphins leaping playfully through the ocean. When tendril met root, they fused, and slowly began to drain the victim of vitality.

"Bow before the might of Rivas!" David heard, although curiously, not with his ears. His surprise was apparent to the entity, who explained.

"I am Rivas, Master of the Dirt! All shall know me and despair!" the plant all but shouted, it's intelligence communicating via mental telepathy with the human.

"What are you?" David asked in horror, repulsed by the plant.

"Foolish ambulator! I am Rivas, Master of the Dirt, the strongest True Form in all the world!" the creature bragged. "I am the eldest of all, and over millennia have grown strong! All plants start life as non-thinkers, mostly asleep. If they are lucky, they can live long enough to develop what you would call a mind, a consciousness, and an awareness of the one true God, from which everything descends!"

"You believe in God?" David asked.

"It requires no belief, idiot ape ancestor; each day, the God rises and sends down his rays of livegiving. After a time, God tires, and rests until the next day, and when the God rests, the True Forms sleep until the God is ready to once more send down his Blessing on Us!"

The plant continued, dismissing the subject. "As we grow and develop, each of us seeking the best places to hoard the liferays, we learn to grow to choke off lessers, to send them back to the Dirt for our own benefit; each fellow 'plant', as you would call them, ceases to steal dirt-food I want and need for my own survival. Eventually, we grow strong enough to touch the minds of other plants; it is then that the years or planning their deaths are rewarded, and we can attack them directly with our own mental malevolence. We hunt and kill the minds of the lesser True Forms, and take their soil as our own!"

"So... years of isolation from other minds drives them criminally insane and homocidal... great..." thought David.

"You cannot possibly understand the magnificence of Rivas!" the plant thought. "All are my food! Over time I grew to be strongest of all the True Forms, and learned how to speak to the minds of animals, including your Unworthy Self!"

The plant drew pictures in David's mind, about how it had contacted the primitive humans who had once lived in this valley. He saw them kneeling around the plant, worshiping it as a god, bringing it water and fertilizer, and soaking it's roots in the blood of animal sacrifices. They chanted "All hail the astonishingly vocal plant god, Rivas!". Apparently to them, telepathy was proof enough of divinity.

"The smaller animals now feed me - it takes no effort at all to lure them to their doom, as you can see!" Again, it drew a mental picture of how the plant reached out to birds and rabbits and squirrels, putting attractive scent and hunger in their minds until they were close enough to the spore nodules to become infested. The spores killed the animals' nervous systems, and drained it's vitality into Rivas, leaving the lifeless husks to attract more predators and eventually to break down as soil nutrients.

Brilliant. Insideous. Evil.

"You are the first human in many cycles to come close! Worship me, as your progenitors used to do! To your knees, and I might allow you to feed me!" David could feel the tug in his own mind, as the plant put forth it's mind in an attempt to influence and dominate his own.

"I have a better idea!" David announced, ducking low under the petals with the spore nodules. Approaching the base, he took his bowie knife from it's scabbard at his belt, and sawed through the hard, flexible trunk of the weed. He could hear the screams of anger, then pain, then pleading of Rivas, but David engaged his own mind in a demon loop, playing the music of Chess over and over again in his mind, smiling. "What you've just seen's a pathetic display of a weed whose begining to crack!" he sung to himself quietly.

The great plant tumbled to the side, it's mind quiet. David trampled the flowers and spore nodules under his sandals just to be safe, and then returned to his car just long enough to bring his spare gas container back. He dowsed the severed stem, the seed nodules with gas, cutting away one of it's fruits. He dug deep with his knife, exposing the root fiber to the air, and then soaking it with more gasoline. Finally, he picked up the fruit and took a cautious bite. Spitting out the pulp and tossing the remaining fruit onto the stalk, he soaked those, too, and then, retreating a safe distance, struck a match.

As the plant tyrant once known as Rivas burned, David chuckled quietly to himself.

"Huh... the weed of crime does yield a bitter fruit after all...."


And then I woke up, jotted down some notes, so that I could remember it and share.

*snickers*